Ended!

At last, our journey ends on 16/10/2008...





How should I say about my feelin for the moment? Is it happy or SAD?


Hmm, I just couldn't explain myself...I'm having a confused feeling for the moment...





Million of tears was tryin to rolls down to my cheek, but I'm just trying to control myself for not crying over it. I'm a big boy...no longer the small boy that u know last time...





If i didn't asked you, I think the relationship will still go on without ur commitment...I'm just an idiot in commiting all this while. While i was trying to get u back on the track again, did you ever think of going back on it? No RIGHT? All you cared is only your friends but not ME!





Ever since you come to college, you changed a lot... You really changed alot.


You are not the girl i know from last time. You are not the one whom loved me the most anymore... I trusted you again and again. In the end, I'm just a dumbass being fooled for all this while...





I asked you why?


You told me that you are confused for the moment when u thinks that the are problems occured...Where are those promises that you made to me huh? Bull Shiting just to need my trust and my commitment right? You even told me that there are no more LOVE EXIST in us anymore...Holy Christ, this is the best answer that i get from ya... ~ what kind of answer is that?


If u thinks that you can't commit from the very moment...why dun u just tell?


That is why we never get things solved...Yet u dare to said that no more LOVE EXIST but you can't deny that u still CARE about me(haha)...--> wat is this?Could anyone explain what does this means?U said sorry to me for what? What is the purpose of saying sorry? huh?

I asked you to forget about me, you don't want... You told me that you are not that kind of girl, you appreciate what i had done to you all this while...If you ever appreciate all this while, you had never treat me that way, never...

You asked me - we're still fren rite? A closer fren than a normal fren? You hope I won't stay away from u... Don't wish us to be like last few years...?! How am i suppose to answer you that?
How?

Haih, I trusted you again and again...
Last time was this, it repeats again...
Happy or not after you get to toy my feeling once again?
How do you feel? Did you ever put yourself in my position and think about my feels? No RIGHT?

Consider myself a dumbass who trusted you again all this while...
I told myself that I won't let u down once again, but it seems that you don't wish to continue it anymore...Don't have the initiative to mend it back...
The worst part is you asked me whether I'm sad or not?Haha...Jokes for the centuries...

I think i think too much all this while,
I'm not a perfect guy for u, I'm just dumb, stupid, or a guy who can't handle any relationship well...

However, what ever makes you happy la ya?
I will not blame ya, or curse ya...
You will still have my wishes althought I'm not the one who will accompany ya for the rest of your life anymore...
Take care...
And please, try ur best to forget me...

The feeling is no longer there...

Hmm,
Back to this blog again,
back to here for what?
Why i put title as:"The feeling is no longer there"?

yeah!
its true.
My feeling towards her is no longer there anymore...
Haha...
I just somehow feels that my life has been greater ever since i try to leave her alone with no hesitate...
why?why should i do so?
Because, whenever i msg her, called her or try to communicate with her...
I can feel that the tone or the way she talks to be its difference from last time...
She started to change when she enter the same college as I(we are not in the same course)...

Maybe I'm just too stupid or dumb for trusting her all this while,
Yeah!
Maybe she should realise one day that when she get to lose me once again then only she will appreciate me...

Sacrifice for nothing...

This is what i should get from ya huh?
Keep on lying to me?
Huh?
Is this the way what u called LOVE?

Hmm...
那首歌 by 林宥嘉,
this song is so meaningful to me...
all the lyrics is like showing all the meaning to me...
especially this part = 一开始你爱我 最后你放弃我

damn suits my situation,
I dunno wat happen to her or i make anything wrong till it become this worst situation...
Keep on lying to me,
I somehow don't feel any happiness nowadays...

She dun even have the iniative to show concern or wat...
didn't even have the time to call and said " come! let's go out"
Haih...
Damn fed up la...

Hey babe, please tell me wat's wrong okay?
Huh?
Do u still care about the relationship in us?
Please please please...tell me please...
If u think that i'm just a pet to u?
Whenever u need me, u will msg properly = Dear, darling, ....

I sacrifice so much for ya but u just some how thinks that its necessary right?
Let me tell u,
If u thinks that watever i do to u now its necessary, but u just don't some how show ur appreciation...
Whenever U leave me or I'll leave you one day...
You will started regret like somehow...

U came back from ur trip,I go fetch ya...
I didnt manage to sleep for the whole night as i know that u r coming back to malacca to accompany me d...
Drive up to campus, get ur luggage, bring u for breakfast + lunch, go back HOME...
Yeah, should thanks ya for the Him Heang biscuit...All the way from penang and get my family for that...
Thanks a lot, but i dun wan that okay...
All i need is ur time to spent on me but not at ur coursemates or ur so called "wife" roomate...
I can feel that even ur roomate also pity on me...
Why la all ur time is on ur fren but not on the one that sacrifirce on u so much...

Haih, I think i'm just the guy being cursed...
Each time msg ya, i get to feel fear...whether u will reply me or not?
Now i know, whenever ur fren msg u, u reply them asap as u can...

U changed a lot,
U really changed a lot. a lot, a lot...
no more morning greeting from ya,
no more anxious msg from ya,
no more, no more, no more...

This feeling is no longer right,
I have tried to salvage,
You’ve neglected me and actually just wanted someone by your side,
I finally understood,
and You look so tired,
Yet my heart aches and you suffering,
Your beauty is something I am not worthy of....

Its the matter of chance and time...
think for yourself!

Is it the time to let go?!

Is it the time to let go off ya?
Is it the time for me to forget you?
Is it the time that the love between us had already gone?
Is it?
Is it?

Can u please tell me what were you trying to do?
U wanted this love to end up itself and silently is it?
Why don't you just say it out?
Huh?

I swear,
Nowadays i doesn't seems to be any happy with ya,
cause i just don't feel that u still commiting yourself in this relationship...
maybe those guys were right,
I was too poisoned myself to ya with love in this relationship...
Hmmm, i was too dumb to trust ya from the very first time...

At last, i feel the hardness of being with ya in such love way...
You were sweet when the love is still hot,but for now u seems like no more commitment anything...
My call, my msg were just too annoying to ya...
U seems like dun have the initiative to reply my msg...
U will only reply those bitches or butches in ur class or so called classmates...

I fucking hate this!!!
I fucking hate you!

If u think that you course mates is more important me...
I think somehow its better u leave me rather than i leave you...
So if it is the time, Just go away from my bloody sight okay?
Just go!!!

I'm not worthy...

In this crowded street,
there are many ppl filled with secrets,

I do have my secrets...
Somehow i just dunno why i can't pulled myself out off her...why?
Why?Why?Why?

I'm gettinng tired and weak everyday...
somehow,I'm just a dumbass that been toying for all this while...

I wanted to ask her many times...
does her still care about me?
Or all the new life that she wanted now is only her friends but not me?

Hmm, it seems that she is more happier with her friend than me nowadays...
I dun wanna mention about wat had happen all this while,
But it seems that i started to feel and get bored with her...

All this while i was like playing one man game, no commitment, nothing...
Is this wat u called LOVE?
Huh?

Nowadays, i started to feel somehow leaving is the only way that can cure the painfulness in my heart.
Babe, forgive me if i had to leave u someday...
The promises that u made towards me doesn't seems it works and efficient...
I dun wan to listen all those sweet words from u no MORE!

I think i'm just too annoying to u. Maybe someone was right, somehow you won't appreciate when u have it! When its the time u started to lose it, then u will only regret.

Happy days was just a memories and nightmare to me.
Nowadays, i doesn't seems to be somehow happy. Everyday EMO! All i can do is only clear you out of my mind...
When its the time that I dun wan to entertain u, it somehow u will msg me...why?

Haih, i think i can be nominated as the dumb-est person a.k.a Boyfriend in the world. Somehow, is either being dump or being cheated...

God, please treat me good please.
I wanna a better relationship, I wan someone that concern me, I wan someone that appreciate me, I wan someone that will showered me with LOVE, I wan someone that will could reveal our relation to the public...I wan, I wan, I wan...

Haih,
Wait for the time to come!

Gotta go now...
Will updated if any emo is on ME!

Anxious = Arguement

Hmm...
What the fuck i was trying to do?
I couldn't understand her more and what she wants nowadays,

This is what she let me felt all this while,
Got her best frenz as room mate, and her neighbour...
I think i no longer important anymore,
Assignment make u frust...i know that,
But i dun have meh?
Huh?
I still keep cool and make u happy all this while, cheer u up when you are down,
But please, whenever you are busy, spent some time on me please...

Think back to urself,
did i ever failed u?
Huh?

U want eat Mcd, I asked my fren to go and buy for ya without any hesitate,
Ask me to go over to fix the cable for ur internet connection,
I got plenty of assignment to rush but i still there to help ya to fix it, why?
As i dun wan to let ppl say that ur "fren" does not come to fix it while we wait for so long...

Haih,
I dun wan to say this no more...
I just hope that u will realise as fast as possible that our path to our journey is leaking and the road is still far away,
We need to rebuilt the road, the bridge just to make through all this thing...
Please...

What is this all about?

Is this what u want?
Or what i want?
What's the point?

Feeling damn frustrated, sad, unhappy, and........
Why?
Why should this happened to me huh?

I been trying to told myself that this is going to be alright soon...
In the end?
I was just cheating on myself all this while...
Babe, if u were get to read this...then u will know how i feel for the past few months...
feeling damn sad and down whenever i ask u out...
Excuse excuse and excuse...
this is what i get for the past few monts...

Me:"dearie, wanna go out with me?"
U:" dunno oo, will see about it k?"
Ok, treat that nothing happed, wait till the day come...
U went out with your room mate and neighbour...then what's the point am i asking ya to go out?huh?

Me:" babe, wanna go out this sunday not?"
U:" got assignment."
U got ur assignment to rush, Me?
I don't have la is it?
Huh?

All i wanted is just to spent a few hours with ya to go out for a walk , to catch a movie or so called what a couple should do...
In the end?

I end up become a dumbass here, promises that u made before step into college was just crap...
Hmm...
I dun wish to lose u, but all u care about was just your room mate la, this and that la...
Where am i?
What am i to u huh?
Can't u feel it?

Assignment can rush anytime, but the time for us is like precious u know?
I showered u with concern and love.
But what i got from u?
Please, please, please, spent some time with me...
I'm the one who would spent my life time with ya after this but not ur room mate or ur neighbour k?

Think for me but not for them k?
Please!

If i got a gun in my hand now...
I would just blow my head...
so people out there,
if u ever saw me in EMO state,
KILL ME PLEASE!

Undescibeable

Haih,
I just dun understand myself...
Should i stand on my own feet when i face her?
Huh?

Hmm...dunno la, Just freaking hate myself for the moment.
Should i scold her?
Argue with her?
Hmm, Damn emo now, EMO!!!

We are here like for almost few months d, did we go out and pat toh?
No right?
So i asked u, so u answered me when its the day then let me know? Ok lo, fair enough for ya?
What did u do?
No sms, then rather go and enjoy urself with ur frenz rather than accompany me...

I feel so sad and bad!
What for having me?Why?
Is this wat u called LOVE?
Huh?

Haih...
Dun care la...
Let the time be and healed back my broken wings la...
Hearts were torn in to pieces, I need time to mend it back...

Bye!

I dun feel any some how nowadays...

Haih,
Me and her?!
Hmm...
Emo man...

What m i to her nowadays?
Slave? I just don't understand why could this happen to me...
Is it I'm the one pampered her too much from the very first while? Should i blame myself for not standing by my own feet? Didn't think of my own self rather than putting her in your first priority rather than your self?!

I just don't know some how i don't get to feel any commitment from her nowadays...
Everything is on her frenz and her roommate!
Then what m i for from the first of all? Huh?
Promises, this and that, i think is a bunch of crap and shit to me...
Why can't u feel it that I need your accompany sometimes...
Underground relationship is it so hard to maintain?

To me, if the other party did not commit much...
No matter how they loved each other, the relation some how will turn to failure...
Haih, nobody will understand me...
I'm no one...
Dearie, please, please, please...
Think wise now...
Your frenz is not going to accompany ya for the rest of your life, but I'm the one...
Hmm...think somehow to much...
Just let it be la LOL...

This is wat u deserved it...
Haha...
Nice having such a girlfriend right?
Hehe...
Life do make sense when she's right by your side but somehow nowadays is considered less or NO more...

Emo-ing...

心如刀割

我的天是灰色

我的心是蓝色

触摸着你的心

竟是透明的



你的悠然自得

我却束手无策

我的心痛竟是 ;

你的快乐



其实我不想

对你恋恋不舍

但什么让我辗转反侧

不觉我说着说着

天就亮了

我的唇角尝到一丝苦涩

---

我是真的为你哭了

你是真的随她走了

就在这一刻

全世界伤心角色

又多了我一个

我是真的为你爱了

你是真的随她走了

能给的我全都给了

我都舍得

除了让你知道



我心如刀割

Girlfriend?!

GF?
Girlfriend?
Having a Girlfriend?
So?!
What's the differences if u were having her but it looks like you are not having her?
Complicated?
Sounds like I'm a psycho?!

Haha,
I am a psycho for the moment...
Why?
Why?
Why?
Tell me why?

Haih,
being emo again!!!
So emo now!
F**k it OFF!
Just freaking leave me alone...

Hmm,I'm so suffering now...
Really suffering...
Why?

Who ask me to choose this kind of path?
When a man loves a woman, he will don't care about others and put her on the first priority.
I'm the same, I'm putting her on my first priority besides my family...
So?!
What do i got?
Nothing...its was just crap and bull shit!

Dun wanna let ppl know about us?
Ok ah...
I agree with u on that term...scared later ppl might gossip about us...
OKAY! I'm FINE!!!
But, could u please spent some of your time on me?
I'm so desperately to see ya but wat u gave me?
Tired?Shy? as ur excuse...
Hmm...

I think i might go insane very soon...
I'm serious...

So please, before i went insane...
Could u please show me ur hand and save me from hell?!